Top Three Worst "Love" Scenes

After a few months of looking up “sex scenes” in the film industry on the internet, I realized that I was getting the same thing over and over, but not always exactly what I wanted. Then I realized that “love scenes” got waayyy more hits than “sex scenes” (unless you’re looking for porn). Why do we call scenes that are full of sex between people who don’t really love each other “love scenes”? I figured it was coined from the term “making love”, which apparently took on its modern connotation only in the middle of the 20th century. (The Oxford English Dictionary lists the first quotation for it’s definition of “make love,” as “to copulate” from 1950.)

So, upon typing in “love scenes” and opening up a whole new world of blogging opportunities, today’s post will focus on five incredibly BAD “LOVE” (sex) SCENES just for fun, and because the weather’s bad, and I’m sick, making me feel miserable and thus more able to rip on terrible movies with even worse sex scenes.
From Maxim’s 10 Worst Love Scenes of All Time, I picked my top 3:

3. Gigli
"Love"birds: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez
Maxim said : “Leave it to “Bennifer” to ruin every man’s fantasy of being able to lure a hot lesbian onto “Team Hetero”. This is so true. The cheesy music mixed with Ben’s half-stoned look made for this scene to be almost as bad as this movie’s reviews. As they both scrambled to make people forget about this massive box-offive let-down, they also scrambled to get out of this relationship. No wonder Ben ran into the arms of Jennifer Garner. Maybe she didn’t make his eyes glaze over during sex.

2. National Lampoon’s Van Wilder
"Love"birds: Ryan Reynolds and Cynthia Fancher
Pairing someone as hot as Ryan Reynolds with someone as old, toothless and hairless as the elderly “seducer” in this scene, should be illegal. You can almost smell the mixture of whiskey, denture cream and old person sweat. No one wants to see someone that old licking her lips and saying, “Shut up, Bitch, and give me some sugar”. That woman whipping her hair off is the definition of not sexy. Poor, Ryan.

1. The Shining
"Love"birds: Jack Nicholson and Lia Beldam/Billie Gibson
The only thing worse than watching Jack Nicholson making out with someone is watching the naked women he is making out with turn into a mold-and-sore infested grandma. The creepy music and octogenarian in the bathtub makes this scene so incredibly…terrible. This movie gave children nightmares for more reasons that "Heeere's Johnny"...


Honorable Mention: Nip/Tuck
"Love"birds: Julian McMahon and Rosie O’Donnell
Even though this is a TV series, not a movie, I thought this deserved honorable mention simply because of the sheer horror it brought to anyone who had to watch it. Rosie couldn’t even keep her huge mouth shut through her very expensive ten minutes with Julian, telling him about Brit and K-Fed, among other things. And nothing is worse than asking the question, “Are you all the way in?” Horrified to the very core…

So what is the purpose of these terrible sex scenes? Everything from horrifying images in a horror film, to horrifying images in a comedic setting, bad "love" scenes are all over television and movies. Is it simply for the effect that sex sells, or is it something more? Do people enjoy watching sex scenes in horror films? Do audiences like cringing at uncomfortable (and usually amusing) terrible sex scenes?

Especially in horror films (as we just past Halloween), is there a certain element of thrill and fear in including sex into horror films? Are the scenes usually forced sex or sweet sex? This seems like the making of my next post...